Choking on your own spit? The absolute worst. Like, I feel like my body doesn’t even know how to properly conduct itself.
I had no idea that one of my dad’s best friends was in Lost. Who knew? Not me clearly.
I miss having people to drunk dial/ chat about my life choices.
You know what sucks?
Being upset. That. That’s what sucks…
I think about college. A lot. More than I probably should. I think about how I stepped on to the campus and no one knew me as the popular, smart, sassy friend they had in high school. No one knew I was so outwardly shunned in grade/middle school by the people in my hometown I had to seek refuge in a small, 200 person populated high school because I, along with my parents, were sick of me not...
What would the opening line of your autobiography...
Mine would be something like, “As I stared into the pile of empty beer cans I couldn’t help but wonder, if maybe, just maybe, people felt as sad as I did about the lack of bottle deposits in Florida. There has to be at least 30 bucks of tin sitting in front of me”.
Every single picture from Harry Potter-ville or whatever…ok let’s stop here for a second. What the HELL do they call it? Harry Potter World? Potter-town? Whatever, anyway, in every single picture I either have one or more of the following: a lazy eye a flotation device under my shirt. how did it get there? food. that’s how. heat stroke the hots for my sister in law greasy...
I just ran downstairs to thrown in laundry and I’m sweating like I ran a 5K. Florida I’ve had enough. Turn the damn heat down already.
I’m going to go clean. Which means I’ll probably be sitting here watching Lost with in 10 minutes.
“Who’s the prettiest little poodle huh? Who? Who’s the prettiest?! PRETTIEST POODLE!?!”- sounds like things are getting pretty deep in the other room here in casa de la Loes.
Oh I’m just about 30 seconds away from eating cupcake frosting right out of the container. Don’t mind me.
How come Barbie never seems to have a problem...
Funemployment has it's benefits
I have perfected the art of cooking Ramen noodles.
I’ve been thinking about an old friend lately so last night I typed her up a quick email saying how sorry I was for somethings that had happened between us (which ended up really just being a complete misunderstanding that I was to busy to sort out). I know it’s only one but she hasn’t responded so I don’t think she’s going to. Which is fine I suppose. I know...
Old me- Oh christ. Just spilled a bunch of soda all over the place. Fuck. Whatever. Just leave it for the cleaning lady. New me- Oh christ. I am the fucking cleaning lady.
Post Harry Potter World
Me: Jesus Christ are your legs screeching like mine?
Sister in Law: No. But my neck still hurts. And my feet.
Me: I have the grottiest blisters on my toes. Like the fuck? Does this mean we should get out more?
SIL: I'm pretty sure it means we should just stay inside from here on out.
So I started a tumblr for the B-Roll stories that... →
twentysomethingstories: Everyone seems to feel a little lonely in January. I always supposed it had something to do with the holidays being over and it still being cold and ornery outside. But for us, it was another excuse to use the bar as a setting for beers and central heat. But for us it was the fact we truly had…
Can I get an invite to some VMA type party at some point? I just want the swag.
thenewhotness asked: I am but you're right... no Awkward. I refuse to give Teen Wolf a chance. The only way I would be more mad about the naming of that show would be if they named it Big Wolf on Campus.
People already hate me so what do I care....
Places have flooded. People have lost shit. People have died. But my hometown? Can we stop bitching about losing CABLE? CABLE. CAAAAAAAAAAAABLE. You’re all so fucking lucky you weren’t born into another circumstance in which you have no clue what electricity is in the first place. So, just get out some cards or read a book by candle light or just stop. Because no. Just no.
I have officially arrived.
Some bitch be talkin shit about me on twitter.
Everyone can punch Katy Perry in the face for having the missing yellow square of the Rubix Cube you almost finished ON HER HEAD.
I probably shouldn’t have taken that nap. Now I’m just sitting here screaming at my TV and wondering what you mix tanqueray with when you don’t have tonic. Get over your life Kelly, like, no one fucking cares.
Did GAGA just try to make out with Cloris Leachman?
Anyone have a video of Adele singing at the VMA's?
I got old and had to watch True Blood and also I got old.
I still follow my old boss on Twitter (I love to stalk! Don’t worry! I stalk you too!) and every now and again I’m tempted to reply to one of his tweets like “Oh, first class to Miami? Nice. Well, I’m just here working on my third packet of ramen noodles today. Yea. Just sittin here in my holey sweatpants and learning survivor techniques from Lost. Do you know how to skin a...
So often an easy-going disposition goes with a few extra pounds. You plump...– Better Than Beauty - A Guide To Charm, 1938 Another great one dollar book from the street cart. (via hugparty) This is why I embrace being the fat, loud, funny one in the group. Plus I love nachos. Go on and try and take them from me. Watch what happens. WATCH I SAY!
If I had a buck for every time Loes used the phrase “hot as balls” I’d probably not be poor. I’d at least have enough to buy a keg. AND a tap.
File under reason number 2157 why I don't go on...
I know. I know I keep saying I’m not going back. But the birthdays people. The birthdays. As soon as I can get everyone sorted so I can properly wish said Birthday wishes then I’m saying Fuck it. Also I like to spy on my sister. BUT MOVING ON. Just read a status that said: “Oh please u guyz. Obama made up da hurricane so we could all go and buy shit to stop the recession....
You know what’s attractive? Heat rash. On your chest. Looks nothing like a disease AT ALL. Wanna make out a little?
That whole hey where were you 5 years ago thing everyone keeps posting had me all checkin the date and thinking about it and I somehow managed to get all the way through today with out remembering how much I have a love/hate relationship with this day. Some highlights Our former anniversary. The day in which we started dating. Well, officially dating. We had pretty much been boning for like six...
MTV is saving all the good shit for Sunday before the VMAs huh? Like I’m gunna have to watch Ronnie beat the shit out of Mike on Sunday when I should be catching up on my DVR huh? WHATEVER MTV YOU KNOW I’LL DO THAT SHIT ANYWAY BUT DAYUM.